a moment to boast.

For the most part I am a humble being. This is, I believe, a good quality to have. However, everything good thing has the potential to have a bad thing associated with it (maybe that's negative thinking? whatever). My being humble, though typically seen as positive, has instilled in me a false sense of self. I have noticed lately, with the help of some friends, that my refusal to boast or brag about myself has left me with a false sense of esteem. I guess it makes sense really, if I consistently shut down people's compliments or encouragements in the hopes of being "polite" there is good chance that I might eventually genuinely stop believing people when they say nice things about me. Hmm, makes sense.

Today I happened to have a particularly successful day, and as I was sharing some of my successes with loved ones I realized I was completely belittling my achievements; when in reality, I kicked ass today and it is totally okay to show pride in myself and to brag (within reason) about my accomplishments. So, this post is dedicated to the successes that I have achieved in the last little while, big and small, because I want to believe people when they tell me I'm a rock star. So listen up and read all of the incredible rock star esque things that I've been doing.

School.

This past week my final grades were posted for the last semester of school. I finished the year with a grade point average of 94%. 945%!!! that is completely unbelievable to me. One of the top marks in the class, me, I am so proud of everything I accomplished this year, but more than a grade I am proud of the discipline, knowledge, and drive that I have proven that I possess. Receiving that type of mark was completely unexpected and so incredibly rewarding. Go me.

Work.

Never in my life have I ever been in the position of having too much work, yet that is exactly the case for this summer. Not only do I have even more families than originally expected calling and asking if I have even one more day available for nannying, but I was also called yesterday by a local daycare center (which might I add I never even applied too) offering me a position! To have worked so hard this past year and have the rewards so obvious is such a cool feeling! I finally feel like I have found something that I love, that I enjoy doing, and that I am good at! Go me.

Class 5.

Only a year later than I originally could have gotten rid of my N license, I finally did today. Of course any type of test is nerve wracking and induces some anxiety, but I had a lot riding on this road test today. With my N license, I could only legally drive 1 other person that isn't family, that is obviously a bit of an issue when my job for the summer requires me to drive around multiple children to parks and beaches and whatnots. BUT this girl, yes me, passed the test and officially has her full license! Could we talk about the fact that I almost failed and the literal words "can you pretend you didn't see that" came out of my mouth, yes, we could. OR we could talk about the fact that I have a full license, and that a pass is a pass. Go me.

Money.

I have been incredibly lucky over the past year that my parents are in a financial position where I am not required to pay rent or my bills while I am in school. Though any extra spending money is out of my pocket. I have (as the most of you know) had some pretty stressful work experiences, unfortunately I get exhausted and stressed incredibly quickly, and the mall is an exhausting and stressful place to work. So, after a year of working and being in school at the same time, I finally quit (withe the hopeful intention to find a nanny job for the summer - go me). When I quit I told myself to never let money be a deciding factor, I was quitting for my mental health, and if that meant I couldn't get Starbucks every morning, so be it. The week after I quit my job involved multiple families calling me for summer employment, but it also involved an unlikely cheque from the government. I apparently paid waaaay too much taxes this year, and I was welcomed back with a very sufficient return. Totally unexpected, completely unaccounted for and so so incredibly helpful. I have been able to put almost 3 thousand into my saving, and still have enough to start the process of buying dishes and cutlery and crockpots for when I finally move out. I guess I didn't have much control over the money game, but hey, I'll just count this one as being lucky. Go me.

Loved Ones.

I know I a consistently yapping on about how blesses I am by the people in my life. But I'm so serious when I say I couldn't be luckier. Family, boyfriend, best friends, high school friends, boyfriends' friends, families that I nanny, peers and even teachers. Literally every single day there is some familiar face that brings such incredible light to my life. The kindness I receive on the daily is astronomical. And I will go ahead and say that the way people treat me totally reflects the way that I put myself out there. I believe that I am a good person; a little delusional and loud at times, but a good person nontheless. Recently I have been thanked, complimented, and commended for the person that I have grown into; it is such a wonderful feeling to have people that have made such an impact on my life, inform me of the impact I have made on their lives. Its incredibly humbling and rewarding. I am so so thankful for the kind souls surrounding me and the importance they have on my every day living. This one is because I know that I'm a good person, and because other people see that in me as well. Go me.

So there you have it, a few of the reasons why I genuinely feel like I'm on cloud nine these days. From being lucky with finances, to school, to work, to just being proud of the person I am. Every day I feel good, I feel content and happy with the choices I have made and the ones that I continue to be making. This post is dedicated to myself. The quirky, wannabe optimistic girl with big hips.
Go me. 

marriage.

Today I am going to share with the world my views on marriage, in particular the constant stress of marriage that has for some odd reason been thrown on me?

As of lately I have been faced with a consistent enquirery from family members, old friends, past teachers, and even some people who I generously refer to as an "acquaintance". The question is this "When are you going to get married???"  And with each time someone asks me this question, I respond in the same way *awkward laugh* "not anytime soon, I'm still 19". 

19 years old. turning 20. that is how old I am. And even though I am still a technical teenager, I have genuine pressure to have a ring and say I do. What the heck. That is crazy business. 

I think part of the reason why so many people are curious about Paris and my potential nuptials is the length of time we have been together. It's been 3 years, quite awhile BUT when those 3 years started at the age of 16, it's really not that outrageous that I don't want to get married yet. And here is the reason why.

I look back to 16 year old Dani and 17 year old Paris and I genuinely do not recognize those people as the people we are today. The growth and changes that have occurred in 3 years is astronomical. I didn't know who I was at 16, where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I'm still figuring that out today! Paris and I have been lucky in the sense that our growth has been parallel; we are both different people today but we have grown together, we have grown into people that compliment each other. But it is totally fair to say this is not going to be true for everyone. 

I can acknowledge the maturity that has miraculously appeared in the past couple years, and I can only imagine the extent at which it will continue to grow. But to say that Paris and myself will continue to grow in the same direction is completely naive and ignorant. Do I hope that we do? Of course. But for me to make a life long, legal commitment to a person who is still trying to figure themselves out, it just doesn't make sense.

Of course this whole "figuring yourself out" thing is tricky, and it never truly stops; however, that is the exact reason why I feel that we shouldn't rush into marriage. Wait things out, why can't we enjoy the adventure of young adulthood together but without a written document saying that you will spend your entire life with this person. Why is it that people need a legal document to commit to someone? 

Another reason I feel no need to rush into marriage is because I don't feel that at 20 years old it is fair to oneself or your partner to make a commitment so drastic. I have seen too many times, and I myself have even been a victim to it once or twice, girls completely compromising their desires, their passions, their dreams to better suit the person they are with. I think it's awesome and important to compromise in a relationship, give and take goes a long way, BUT completely ignoring your wants is something that will live with you forever. Even right now, just being in a relationship in my 20's is hard. Constantly having different ideas or game plans as to how I will spend the following year becomes a lot less exciting when it's constantly followed with "but would Paris want to do that?" Marriage takes two individuals and creates an "us", which can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be a really bad recipe for regrets and resentment. 

I love Paris. I really do, and I believe that we will spend forever with each other. But I want to spend forever with him knowing that he is the only person for me, feeling complete in my desires and hopeful adventures. I don't want a life filled with "what ifs", I want to be confident in the decisions I've made, and I believe that marrying young and making that commitment to someone without truly knowing yourself just isn't something that I intend to do. But hey, all for those that are okay with that life. 

I look forward to Paris and my future with confidence, and I am excited to one day marry the man of my dreams. But that day isn't going to be anytime soon, I'm just too busy figuring myself out right now. And that's okay! 

*disclaimer: I know many people who have married young and are incredibly happy, I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm not saying I'm against it. I am simply saying it's not for me. Yet. 

4 Reasons I am My Own Worst Enemy

Have you ever heard the phrase you are your own worst enemy? Yeah, you probably have. Something about phrases that speak truth, they tend to stick with you. This is a phrase I find myself referring to quite often, and today I have decided that I am going to pin point the exact 5 reasons why I am my own worst enemy. So here it goes. 

1. Not Saying No. 

As of lately one of my biggest issues has been a matter of exhaustion. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Which totally makes sense! I am working part time, in practicum full time, taking hours out of the day to get homework done, spending time with various loved ones, and throw on going to the doctor, getting check ups at the dentist, shopping for gifts (still don't know why there are so many birthdays this month), babysitting, being a youth leader and we haven't even touche on watching Dancing With the Stars every Monday night! I have a lot going on. I really do. And part of the reason I have such a busy schedule and little to no time for myself is because I do not know how to say no. Sure, some things I have to do regardless of what I want, but there is a good chunk of my schedule that could be spent elsewhere if I could just learn how to say no. It's not even a hard word, literally just two letters. Come on Dani. 

2. Obsessive Overthinking. 

If you know me in the slightest you would know just how often and how easily I can ruin my day with a single thought. I don't know if this has been a habit of mine for a long time, but it's recently been pointed out to me and I would be an idiot to disagree. Sometimes it's the stupidest thing, but I overthink things to the point that it doesn't even make sense. And then I spend the next forever stressing about the tiniest potential chance that something awesome is going to go horribly bad. What the heck Dani. Just enjoy things. Stop thinking. Please. 

3. Procrastination.

I will admit, this is an area that I am increasingly improving on. And this last year of school has totally whipped my but into shape. However, to say I do not procrastinate would be a complete lie. I just think it's the weirdest thing that we spend so much time doing virtually nothing, and then cry because we don't have enough time to get something done? Like what. That doesn't even make sense. 

4. Comparison.

It's like they say, "comparison is the theif of joy". Truth. I, unfortunately, am a sucker for the dreaded life of comparison. I don't know why I do it. Well, insecurities I guess. I compare myself to my best friends and complete strangers. All the time. Gross, right? Whether it's grades, looks, job, intellectual competencies, or what I'm eating. I have put myself into this constant battle with other individuals, and the outcome is always the same: inferiority. And when I feel inferior to a person, this thing starts to happen where I give up trying. So yah, maybe that whole comparison thing isn't actually a good idea? 

So there you have it. The top 4 reasons why I am my own worst enemy. I think about some of the common things that create anxiety in my life; body image, school, time management etc. but really how necessary is it for me to get so upset about such meticulous little things. It's dumb. Dumb Dani. Now that I am aware of some of my biggest issues, maybe I can make conscious efforts to kick these habits right in the bum. Not saying no, overthinking, procrastination & comparison: good riddance.