As of lately I have been faced with a consistent enquirery from family members, old friends, past teachers, and even some people who I generously refer to as an "acquaintance". The question is this "When are you going to get married???" And with each time someone asks me this question, I respond in the same way *awkward laugh* "not anytime soon, I'm still 19".
19 years old. turning 20. that is how old I am. And even though I am still a technical teenager, I have genuine pressure to have a ring and say I do. What the heck. That is crazy business.
I think part of the reason why so many people are curious about Paris and my potential nuptials is the length of time we have been together. It's been 3 years, quite awhile BUT when those 3 years started at the age of 16, it's really not that outrageous that I don't want to get married yet. And here is the reason why.
I look back to 16 year old Dani and 17 year old Paris and I genuinely do not recognize those people as the people we are today. The growth and changes that have occurred in 3 years is astronomical. I didn't know who I was at 16, where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I'm still figuring that out today! Paris and I have been lucky in the sense that our growth has been parallel; we are both different people today but we have grown together, we have grown into people that compliment each other. But it is totally fair to say this is not going to be true for everyone.
I can acknowledge the maturity that has miraculously appeared in the past couple years, and I can only imagine the extent at which it will continue to grow. But to say that Paris and myself will continue to grow in the same direction is completely naive and ignorant. Do I hope that we do? Of course. But for me to make a life long, legal commitment to a person who is still trying to figure themselves out, it just doesn't make sense.
Of course this whole "figuring yourself out" thing is tricky, and it never truly stops; however, that is the exact reason why I feel that we shouldn't rush into marriage. Wait things out, why can't we enjoy the adventure of young adulthood together but without a written document saying that you will spend your entire life with this person. Why is it that people need a legal document to commit to someone?
Another reason I feel no need to rush into marriage is because I don't feel that at 20 years old it is fair to oneself or your partner to make a commitment so drastic. I have seen too many times, and I myself have even been a victim to it once or twice, girls completely compromising their desires, their passions, their dreams to better suit the person they are with. I think it's awesome and important to compromise in a relationship, give and take goes a long way, BUT completely ignoring your wants is something that will live with you forever. Even right now, just being in a relationship in my 20's is hard. Constantly having different ideas or game plans as to how I will spend the following year becomes a lot less exciting when it's constantly followed with "but would Paris want to do that?" Marriage takes two individuals and creates an "us", which can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be a really bad recipe for regrets and resentment.
I love Paris. I really do, and I believe that we will spend forever with each other. But I want to spend forever with him knowing that he is the only person for me, feeling complete in my desires and hopeful adventures. I don't want a life filled with "what ifs", I want to be confident in the decisions I've made, and I believe that marrying young and making that commitment to someone without truly knowing yourself just isn't something that I intend to do. But hey, all for those that are okay with that life.
I look forward to Paris and my future with confidence, and I am excited to one day marry the man of my dreams. But that day isn't going to be anytime soon, I'm just too busy figuring myself out right now. And that's okay!
*disclaimer: I know many people who have married young and are incredibly happy, I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm not saying I'm against it. I am simply saying it's not for me. Yet.
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