insecurities 101

This is a lesson that I have recently learned, or maybe I'm still learning.
Lets just say that this is a lesson that one day I will potentially, hopefully learn.

It is exhausting 
living a life that has the sole purpose 
to please other people.

Literally, my life. And there is good odds that it's your life too.
and I, personally, am so sick of it.

I mean, we can go on and on about physical expectations. Ever told a joke and instantly regretted saying anything at all due to the fear of people thinking you're annoying? How about school, we pay thousands and thousands of dollars to have some stranger tell you whether or not you are competent enough to succeed in a field that you are passionate for. Makes sense to me. I have a genuine hard time being in a room filled with people I just met, because I can't seem to get out of my head the possibility that these people don't like me. Constant comparisons. Constant feelings of insufficiency. Its like this stupid competition that we've entered without any consent. And it's genuinely heart breaking.

But I believe there is still hope for us outcasts.
they think you're ugly, who cares?
they think you're annoying, who cares?
they think you're not smart or funny or competent or maybe they don't want to be around you?
screw em.

When did we, as woman and probably the men too, allow ourselves to fall into such a trap as to live our lives according to other people. And not just any other people, but complete strangers! When we die one day, which unfortunately will happen to all of us, do we want to look back at all the times we regretted saying something over fear of sounding stupid? do we want to remember sitting uncomfortable and fidgeting because there is, god forbid, someone in the room that is a size smaller then you are? or do we want to look back at all the times we said "fuck you" to society and their stupid standards. The times that we defied what everyone expected, but exceeded at the same time. When my days become limited I hope to remember singing karaoke at the top of my lungs, not the awkward conversations I had with people who never really mattered at all.

I, personally, am so sick of consuming my brain with negative thoughts. Making myself sick over the possibility of someone not liking me. Guess what Dani, not everyone is going to like you. But what happens when you try so hard to be liked by everyone that eventually you become something that you don't even like yourself? Nothing good, I can tell you that much.

So, let this be the first step. The first step to accepting oneself, flaws and all. The first step to genuinely becoming the person you are and being happy about who that person is. I have thick thighs, I'm loud, I'm not really skilled at anything in particular and I can be pretty dang annoying. But I'm also funny, and smart, and some people even say I have pretty eyes. I know that acceptance is not something that happens over night, but here's to trying anyways. Here's to not giving in to society's norms, and being happy about standing out.