As many people are aware (thanks to the ever evolving world of social media), I have recently come back from a trip to Edmonton to visit my wonderfully talented, beautiful, gracious older sister. While this trip brought me many laughs, chill times, and new articles of clothing it unexpectedly forced me into a bit of an over-thinking meltdown. Allow me to explain.
People often tell me how similar me and my older sister are, of course I usually laugh at those people because my sister is Spanish and I am so incredibly white. However, this most recent visit has shown me how similar my sister and I really are. My sister is 26 years old, being 6 years older than I am; however, I often forget how real that age gap truly is. My sister has attempted multiple different career paths and lived in multiple different cities. She just recently started her own wedding planning business, her real life dream job! She's married, has a home, and is quite successful thus far. And then I looked at myself.
Departing from Edmonton on Monday came with a grave sadness. This might seem typical when leaving a family member for a lump sum of time, though it seemed different than that this time. After a bit of thinking, I figured it out. I was bummed that I don't have the life that my sister has. That's when Paris brought me back to reality, reminding me that Jenn was not where she is today at 19. Not even close. I am just like my sister in a lot of ways; I am caring, outgoing, passionate and driven. But the difference is I am 19, she is 26.
I did not want to come home, not necessarily because my sister wouldn't be there (though I'm sure that did play a part), but because I did not want to come back to my life at home. I realized then that I virtually have nothing going for me here. Yes, I have a wonderful family. Yes, I have a few core friendships. Yes, I have a shitty mall job that gives me 4 hours a week. And yes, I am currently in school. But beyond my family, and a few friendships, I do not feel that home is the place where I need to be.
Thus comes the school factor. Do I love school? Oh yes. Absolutely. I love my classmates and the friendships that have been started. I love my teachers and all of their individual quirks. I love having a routine, knowing exactly where I'll be Monday-Friday. And I love having virtually no responsibilities. No rent. No gas money. No car insurance. And the only food I pay for is the $5 latte's I get in the morning. But do I love the idea of working in a preschool or daycare setting for the rest of my life? No, I don't.
I do love children, and I believe that one day I may continue this path, but for right now, after long and hard thoughts and realizations; early childhood education is not the path that I want to be on. I could potentially have the opportunity to work in a center this summer, in between second and third semester. I dread the idea of that and rather, I've been looking into what places in the mall are hiring full time instead. So I ask myself, why in the world am I spending not only my money, but two years of my life, pursuing a field that I am dreading working in? Do I really want to continue pursuing something that I do not love, that I do not have a desire for, just to say that I did it? Just to have a certificate beside my name? No. I don't want to be that person.
My sister has found her passion and has worked her but off to turn that passion into a career. As of this moment she is the one who is encouraging me to pursue something else. Had my sister continued with nursing, teaching, journalism or business she would not be in the position she is in today. Had she not packed up her life and followed her husband to Edmonton, she would not be in the position she is today. She is still only 26 years old, her entire life is ahead of her. She's slowly figuring things out, and she's happy about where she is. I have discovered that it is totally okay that I am not at the same spot as my 26 year old sister, we're similar in stature and in personality, but we're still very different in where we are within our lives.
Now, before all of my relatives and concerned citizens criticize me about the importance of education, and how I can't work at the mall for the rest of my life. I know. Believe me, I know. I do not intend to be a forever dropout, I simply intend to wait and do something different in my life until I truly decide what the right path for me is. And if that is being an ECE, hey, I'm already half way done. And besides, finishing the first year of the program does allow me to receive an assistance license. And for all you non-ece folk, that means I can still work in a center. Which means, I haven't totally wasted the past year.
So you might be wondering, what next then? And that is a question I am really excited about finding the answer too. Currently, I am in talks with two of my favorite people to pick up our stuff and move to Vancouver for the fall. What would I do there? Not totally sure. With my current education I could potentially find a nanny job, work in a daycare as an assistant, I have plenty of retail experience to back me, or maybe even find a receptionist or a barista job. The opportunities are truly endless for me right now. And as much as that scares me, it also excites me. Because I am in no rush. I am only 19 years old, it's okay not to have everything figured out. But I know that with the support I have from family and friends, that wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, I am going to be okay. And that is something to be truly thankful for.
So here's to the unknown, adventure and being totally unsure of my future. But with that being said, here's to real life and to growing up, to making decisions for myself. To possible mistakes and possible blessings. I don't really know where or who I want to be in 10 years, but sitting on my bed watching New Girl is definitely not the way to get there.
Thanks for reading yet another rambling and ranting of the curious life of Dani; and good luck to you if your finding yourself in a similar position. Totally clueless, naive, and ready for change.
XO, Dan
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